Yesterday I needed a break. A break from the news, a break from social media, a break from masks, a break from everything so I could process my feelings and emotions.
It is ok to take a break.
I consume a lot of news on a daily basis, part of that is because I was on the radio for so long and needed to know what is going on, and part of that is because I simply like to stay informed.
While social media can be a great place to connect with loved ones and share fun pieces of your day, it can also amplify your news intake. Some days it seems like there is nothing but arguing and hate, and it isn’t healthy to take that in day after day.
Last week in particular was a heavy week, and I didn’t realize the toll it was taking on my emotions until Sunday morning.
A little back story that you all know, we have been under a shelter in place order in San Francisco since March 17th. Masks are now required to simply go for a walk outside. The world is different right now, and we are all experiencing different or amplified emotions. I have talked with friends and coworkers about how some days are very hard. Some days I jump out of bed, go for a run, and plug away all day. Other days motivation doesn’t come as easy. The hard days are few and far between, but they are new for me. I am not an overly emotional person, but I find myself more emotional than ever right now.
On top of everything that was already happening, we then had the tragic death of George Floyd. It made me angry, and sad, and I found myself paying even closer attention to the news and social media to see what was being done, how justice was being served.
On Saturday afternoon there was a protest in San Francisco (and most other cities). What started as a peaceful march through our city, turned violent and ugly after sunset. Our apartment building was locked down, the mall (and many other businesses) a few blocks from us was looted and fires were started. We sat in our living room listening to helicopters and police sirens while watching the news, and consistently refreshing Twitter to see how close they were getting to our building.
When we woke up Sunday morning my heart was heavy. I immediately checked social media and the local news to see what had been done to our city. I found myself getting more angry, sad, confused, and emotional as I scrolled. I felt helpless, and I didn’t know how to help or what to say.
I finally put the phone down and told Aaron “I just need a day”. I needed a day to think, to process, to feel. I needed a day that wasn’t filled with anger and hate. I just needed a day.
I stayed off social media all day yesterday, and it was so refreshing.
Just because I was taking a day away from current events, does not mean I was pretending they weren’t happening. I thought about the state of the world all day. I thought about my family, my friends, my coworkers, my community all day long as I processed my feelings.
All day long I tried to find the words to express the way I was feeling, and then I realized it isn’t about me.
It isn’t about me at all.
I will never understand what some of my friends, coworkers, or community members go through on a daily basis, and have been going through for their entire lives. I will never know the feelings or fears they have. I can’t relate to them in that way.
What I can do is listen to them, really hear them, love them, and stand with them.
What I say today doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. The actions I take for the rest of my life will have more of an impact than any words I could come up with in this moment.
We all need to be better.
We all need to love more.
We all need to show empathy, and grace, and understanding.
We all need to stand together.
And sometimes, we all need to take a break and process our feelings, thoughts, and emotions.